News

by Rusty Wheeler

To paraphrase ex-pro wrestler turned movie star ‘The Rock’: “Finally, the Glass City Rollers have come back to Toledo!” It could be added, “after having played their first four derby bouts away from home!” Unfortunately for the home fans, the visiting Fox Cityz Foxz Scream Puffs from Appleton, Wisconsin, conspired to keep Glass City winless as Fox Cityz won a squeaker, 86-79.

Fox Cityz was led by a strong one-two jammer combo of Lolly Pop Ya and Cherry Grenade who scored 38 and 27 points, respectively. Glass City was led by Punk Monkey with 33 points, while Satan’s Little Helper helped out with 24 points.

This bout was close all the way. Just past the halfway point of the 1st half, Glass City led by 9 points, but Fox Cityz led by 8 at the break. Fox Cityz held their lead throughout the 2nd half, leading by as many as 12 points a couple of times before Glass City staged a late rally. GC came within 2 points of the lead at 81-79 after the penultimate jam, but then Lolly Pop Ya sealed the victory with a 5-0 grand slam jam win to finish the game, taking advantage of a major penalty for cutting the track that was assessed to GC’s jammer No-Holds Barbie.

Rosters
Fox Cityz: 5151 Cherry Grenade; 22 Killer DoomKitty; 0.99 Lolly Pop Ya (captain); (1) Melon Brawler; 0 Mistress Miter Saw; ½ pint Molly Crotchit; 9879 Monkey Shines; 666 Roxxy Rage; 369 S.P.Rocket; 50 Tilly Screams (asscap); ½ Off Suzy Slasher; U Woman O’ War; M-35 Yaya der Hey.

Glass City: MST3000 Beefy Vanderhuge; 15 Betty Floored; YT-1300 Han Rolo; 480 Kapie-Ass Kandie; Twice Lightn’ Strike; 110% No-Holds Barbie (asscap); 7’9” Pamazon; 76 Punk Monkey; 5/8” Sally Seam Rip-Her; 666 Satan’s Little Helper; 977 Slash & Burn; Ground Zero Tonya Pavement; 1478 Wendy Boughbreaks (captain); 80 Proof Vod-Killah.

1st Half
Lolly Pop Ya, Fox Cityz’ captain, opened the game with lead jammer and a 4-2 jam win over GC’s Punk Monkey. Jam 2 had no leader, and Cherry Grenade (FC) and Satan’s Little Helper (GC) skated to an 8-8 draw. Lightn’ Strike then got GC’s first lead jammer and a 2-0 win in jam 3, knotting the score at 12-12. FC’s jammer, Monkey Shines, went to the penalty box with a major cutting penalty, but Lightn’ didn’t take full advantage of that. Monkey Shines was still in the box to start jam 4, but GC’s Punk Monkey momentarily joined her simian namesake in the box before Monkey Shines was freed to go back to skating, and although Shines got a late lead jammer, there was no scoring in the jam as GC’s defense was able to hold the fort.

Lolly Pop Ya got another lead jammer and a 2-0 win in jam 5, followed by her teammate Cherry Grenade also getting lead and a 4-2 win over Punk Monkey in jam 6. That put the visitors up 18-14. Pamazon came back to tie the score at 18-18 in jam 7 with a 4-0 win for GC. Satan’s Little Helper upped the GC lead with a lead jammer and a 4-1 win in jam 8 over Woman O’ War. Melon Brawler got a couple of points back for FC with a 4-2 win over Lightn’ Strike in jam 9, then Vod-Killah got a 4-0 win for the home team in jam 10. Satan’s Little Helper gave Glass City their biggest lead of the evening in jam 11 with a 4-0 win. That put GC up by 9 points at 32-23.

If there was a pivotal jam in this game, it had to be jam 12 of the 1st half. That’s when Fox Cityz’ Lolly Pop Ya used her power jam opportunity with Punk Monkey in the box for GC (with a cutting penalty) and skated to a 15-0 triple grand slam win to re-establish Fox Cityz’ lead at 38-32. FC never trailed again after that jam.

Jam 13 was scoreless, then No-Holds Barbie won jam 14 by 2-0. Satan’s Little Helper edged FC’s Melon Brawler 4-3 in jam 15, getting GC back to within 3 points at 41-38. Lolly Pop Ya then won jam 16 by 4-3 over Lightn’ Strike, jam 17 was scoreless, and Mistress Miter Saw finished out the half with a 4-0 win for FC in jam 18, making the halftime score 49-41 for Fox Cityz.

In the half, Fox Cityz held a 9-6 advantage in lead jammers, although the play was fairly even. Pack speeds were rather slow, but the jammers also weren’t flying around the track. The game was played at the SeaGate Convention Center, and the floor was polished concrete. It looked pretty slippery to this derby journalist. Lolly Pop Ya got the only three grand slams of the half.
 
2nd Half
The two teams traded blows in the first few jams of the 2nd half. Punk Monkey started the half still in the box from her cutting the track penalty in the 1st half, but she was able to come out of the box, get lead jammer over Lolly Pop Ya, and emerge with a 5-4 jam win. Cherry Grenade then grabbed lead and a 4-0 win in jam 2 for FC, followed by GC’s Punk Monkey getting lead and a 4-0 win in jam 3. It was 57-50 for FC.

Glass City’s jammer, Satan’s Little Helper, got banished to the sin bin in jam 4 for cutting the track. That allowed Monkey Shines to get a 5-0 slam win for FC, upping the lead to 12 points at 62-50, the largest lead they would achieve in the game. Jam 5 was a 0-0 draw, then GC’s Punk Monkey edged Cherry Grenade 3-2 in jam 6. Jam 7 was apparently a 1-1 draw between GC’s No-Holds Barbie and FC’s Mistress Miter Saw, but when I glanced at the scoreboard during the following jam, I noticed another 4 points on the board for GC, so credit Barbie with a 5-1 jam win. Then Punk Monkey cut the FC lead back to 3 points at 65-62 with a 4-0 win in jam 8.

Fox Cityz’ jammer, Melon Brawler, got sent to the penalty box early in jam 9, giving GC’s Pamazon a golden opportunity to rack up some power jam points, but instead she was belted into the infield with a good hit (sorry, I didn’t catch the number of the player who blocked her), and then inexplicably Pamazon continued straight across the infield onto the other side of the track, coming onto the track ahead of the pack, and thus she was also sent to the box for cutting the track. When Melon Brawler got back on the track, she was able to eke out a 3-0 win for the Scream Puffs. Although Pamazon started jam 10 still in the box, Glass City was able to hold FC to a scoreless tie in spite of Lolly Pop Ya jamming for the Puffs. It was 68-62 for the Puffs.

Fox Cityz got 4-0 and 3-1 wins in jams 11 and 12 by Cherry Grenade and Lolly Pop Ya, grabbing another 12 point lead at 75-63. Fox Cityz had also earned lead jammer in 6 of the preceding 7 jams, although they only skated to a 13-13 tie with Glass City in those jams. However, in jams 13 through 19, the Glass City Rollers made things interesting as they got 7 consecutive lead jammers in those jams and kept chipping away at the lead.

Jam 13 was a 1-1 draw between Satan’s Little Helper and Cherry Grenade, although Cherry got sent to the box. Vod-Killah got lead in jam 14 for GC, but couldn’t take advantage of the power jam and settled for a 0-0 tie. Punk Monkey got a 4-0 win in jam 15, cutting the lead to 76-68, then Satan’s Little Helper skated to a 3-0 win in jam 16, further cutting the lead to 76-71.

Punk Monkey got lead in jam 17 and got her 4 points, but perhaps got caught up in the excitement of the moment with the crowd really getting in to the game, and when she hesitated in calling off the jam, Cherry Grenade had snuck through to also get 4 points. So instead of cutting the lead to a single point, the Fox Cityz lead remained at 5 points at 80-75. Lolly Pop Ya then got a hard-earned 1-0 win for the Puffs in jam 18 to boost her team’s slim lead to 81-75.

The game got even more interesting in jam 19 when Glass City’s Punk Monkey got a 4-0 win to cut the Fox Cityz lead to only 81-79. Then in the final jam of the evening, GC’s No-Holds Barbie was the first jammer to emerge from the pack, but instead of getting the coveted lead jammer designation, Barbie got hit with a major penalty for cutting the track, thus making the rest of the jam somewhat anti-climactic as FC’s Lolly Pop Ya skated to a 5-0 grand slam jam win to seal the deal, giving Fox Cityz’ Scream Puffs a narrow 86-79 win.

In the 2nd half, play was once again fairly even. Glass City had more lead jammers, 11 to 7 but were only able to out-score Fox Cityz by a 38-37 margin. Each team lost three jammers to the box in the 2nd half, but GC losing their jammer in the final jam was the final nail in their Halloween night coffin. FC had two grand slams in the 2nd half, GC had one.

Afterthoughts
Although they lost, Glass City’s home debut was successful. They appeared to have a good crowd in the stands, and with a little prompting from the announcers, some of those fans were even brave enough to try sitting on the floor in the “suicide seats.” Thanks to the Chicago Outfit’s Maul E. Hatchet and photog Shoot to Kill for showing the crowd how to take advantage of those suicide seats. I enjoyed being one of those announcers along with Reverend Norb and Gloria Hole.

There was one fan who did need educating, though. The game was held up for medical attention for a Fox Cityz skater who was in the penalty box. Eventually that skater had to leave the game with some sort of leg injury and a substitute player took her place in the box. During the time the medical staff was attending to that player (sorry, I did not note her name), one of the GC fans yelled out “Get her out of the game and get the game moving!” (or something to that effect). I announced to the crowd that derby was a real sport, and skaters did sometimes get injured, and attending to those injuries is more important than worrying about holding up the game. I guess there’s one in every crowd.

Earlier in the game, I thought the Fox Cityz blockers were playing a better positional game, but late in the game GC’s blockers were making the better team blocks. One time late in the game GC’s blockers sealed all of FC’s blockers to the inside allowing an easy pass on the outside for the GC jammer. I hope GC can watch that block again and again on video, it was that good.

There was also a Halloween costume contest at halftime, but perhaps the highlight of halftime was a proposal of marriage to Glass City’s (not-skating) Ophelia Nightly by the future Mr. Nightly. It can reported that the future Mr. Nightly was very nervous, and that the future Mrs. Nightly did say “yes”!
 
Statistics
Fox Cityz’ Lolly Pop Ya led all jammers with 38 points in 12 jams with 5 leads and 4 grand slams, also having the highest jammer plus/minus at a plus 20. Other jammers were: Cherry Grenade (27 points, 11 jams, 5 leads); Melon Brawler (10 pts, 5 jams, 3 leads); Mistress Miter Saw (5 pts, 3 jams, 2 leads); Monkey Shines (5 pts, 5 jams, 1 lead, 1 slam); Woman O’ War (1 pt, 2 jams).

Glass City was paced by Punk Monkey with 33 points (29 in the 2nd half) in 14 jams with 7 leads and 1 grand slam. Other GC jammers were: Satan’s Little Helper (24 points--20 in the 1st half, 11 jams, 5 leads); Lightn’ Strike (7 pts, 3 jams, 1 lead); No-Holds Barbie (7 pts, 5 jams, 1 lead); Vod-Killah (4 pts, 2 jams, 2 leads); Pamazon (4 pts, 3 jams, 1 lead).

I haven’t yet heard of any blocking stats, but I really did notice Glass City’s Satan’s Little Helper throwing her weight around. I counted three knockdowns by her in one jam, followed by at least one more in the following jam. There were also a few players who got cherry-picked and blasted to the floor when they weren’t quite paying attention! They shall forever remain nameless.
 
Future
Fox Cityz’ Scream Puffs host Iowa’s Quad City Rollers at Players Choice in Appleton, Wisconsin, on Saturday, December 5.

Glass City hosts another home game at the SeaGate Convention Center in Toledo, Ohio, on Saturday, December 19, versus the Mid-Michigan Derby Girls from Mt. Morris, Michigan.